Here's to Being an Emo

I’m starting to grossly dislike the tone of this blog.  I know I could just write about something different; something happy perhaps.  However, I would be lying not only to my two readers but to myself.  Ever feel like you’ve reached your breaking point?  Allow me to elaborate.

I am 26 years old, nearly 27.  I still live at my father’s house.  My father, who is extremely possessive and controlling; I seldom leave the house for the aggravation of his mood swings are not worth it.  I have never been on a date.  I have four degrees for which I worked extremely hard, and I don’t even earn $12 an hour.  Gas in one month is nearly half of a paycheck.   I have looked for other employment opportunities to no avail.  I have applied for 11 positions with ASU, and not one has contacted me for an interview.  I am tired of delivering mail to people around the office; I am tired of finishing people’s projects and performing the work that belongs under another job title without fair compensation.  I am tired.  I cannot lie; I have contemplated suicide more than once.

There is a guilt that I feel when stating that last sentence publicly.  I know there are others who are suffering far more than I ever will.  Maybe it’s a depression for which I need medication.  Maybe it’s the PTSD I incurred as a result from being sexually assaulted by my own cousin.  Who knows?  I am tired of this melancholy yet cannot shake it.  I wish I had the means to move out, start living.  I simply cannot afford it.  My dream is to attend Durham University in England for two Masters Degrees.  I’m sure of my acceptance along with some scholarships and grants, but I would still need student loans.  Yet I fear the struggle to pay them completely off for I am struggling to pay off the loans I have now.

Nothing feels worth it to me anymore.  My family only makes me feel worse about myself.  I have a father who won’t let me live, a mother who just doesn’t care for her own social life is more important, and I won’t even go into my issues with my sister.  She treats her own children like shit (mainly her daughter), why should I be any different?

I miss my grandfather. I don’t know why but having him around created a comfort and security in me.  I need out; out of this rut, out of this life.  Anyway, back to living my life through books. Speaking of, happy birthday to my favorite poet and libertine, the Earl of Rochester.  He would be 365.  Bon soir. 

Things I've Learned Since Graduating College

Having graduated with honors nearly a year ago, with two Bachelor's Degrees in History and English respectively, I have come to very stark realizations. I understand that these degrees are not in as high demand as say, a Mathematics or Science degree, but History and English can effectively translate into productive and flourishing career opportunities. The problem is locating those opportunities and unfortunately, I do not live in an area where said prospects are in abundance. Having said that, here are some things I have learned about college:

If college is something you simply must do, and if you wish to succeed in America, get a Business, Science, or Mathematics degree.

Upon turning 16 years of age, GET A JOB. Type of employment matters not so long as you have employment. Why? Because professional work experience in this country is EVERYTHING.

If you have had the misfortune of being unemployed for six months or more, you are considered unemployable, unless your life’s goal is to work in retail or fast food.

If you can, avoid college at all costs and I do mean costs! The cost of college is continuously on the rise, and a college degree is not worth what it used to be. I must emphatically stress this point; work experience now outweighs any college degree.

Avoid Graduate school.

Again, if college is necessary for whatever reason, COLLEGE IS NOT THE PLACE FOR SELF-DISCOVERY. Know the career path you intend to follow and follow it assiduously! Be sure to choose a University that caters to that chosen path.

Avoid student loans.

When it comes to higher education, the United States falls short, unless you are willing to pay $50,000 or more for a privately funded Ivy League University. Curriculum for public universities is unchallenging and derisory. In some instances, I knew more about the subject matter than my professors. Certainly, a proud and boastful moment for me however, simultaneously embarrassing for both parties.

Despite all this, if you still wish to attend college, treat it with respect and take your academics seriously. Partying and coasting only promotes procrastination and idleness, and taints any potential employment.

If you are fortunate enough to find employment after graduation, expect an entry-level position. It is better to work your way up within the company so that when you are on top, you know what you are doing. Your college degree does not equate to a high paying job, nor should you get a high paying job simply because you have degrees. Work for it and earn it. Prove to your employer that you deserve it based on your work performance for nothing will bring more satisfaction.