College Poetry

There will come a point in one's college career where he or she will run across a professor who believes he or she knows ALL. I mean, everyone knows you can't interpret a poem without the use of literary theory thereby completely bypassing the historical, political, biographical, societal, cultural, and philosophical contexts right? I had such a professor; He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. No, not Lord Voldemort. Actually, I think it'd be rather cool having him as a professor. Can you imagine? Never a boring lecture that's for sure! Anyway, my professor, let's just refer to him as D.B. (those are his actual initials, convenient that it coincides with "Douche Bag"). One day whilst "analyzing" P. Shelley's poem, "Ode to the West Wind," Professor D.B. was simply adamant that there was no other acceptable interpretation if one does not apply Aristotelian thought. Not once did he place the poem in any other context and quite frankly, I was appalled. So I zoned out and wrote this poem in his honor:

Professor-dom

The professor loves to pontificate,

As is proof of his Holy Doctorate.

He pleads for all to join him in comment,

Knowing none can match his mouth's excrement.

He drains the life from all the great poets,

Stealing immortality they've earneth.

Poor Browning, Wordsworth, Shelley and dear Keats,

Poets of whom the professor thus beats.

A word of caution to the professor not mild,

Death! Should he rape the life from Oscar Wilde!

Do I detect a slight influence from my dear Earl of Rochester? Perhaps ;)